When I first discovered this recipe, I had just had my tonsils out for a second time. I know you’re thinking it’s impossible but yes, they can grow back.

Anyway, I was looking for something that wasn’t popsicles to soothe the pain. The first time I had my tonsils out as a child, it was all popsicles, all the time. You know how much sugar, food dyes and all-around nasties are in popsicles? No wonder so many kids have autism these days?!?

Personally, I can’t even look at a popsicle anymore. I experimented and eventually created this recipe. Ever since then, this has been my go-to morning ritual. I just can’t quit it!

This smoothie has taught me a lot about life. It taught me that the key to being happy in life is the ability to just not care. My therapist never thought that I would be able to just not give a fuck.

As I’ve gotten *gulp* older, I have realized the less you care, the happier you are, thanks to this smoothie. This philosophy goes for EVERYTHING – your health, career, friends and family. Take these real-life examples:

  • My friend’s mom got cancer and stopped exercising and she have never been happier!
  • My cousin lost her job and she is just living life to the fullest!
  • My core friend group died on their way to pick me up because my friend was texting while driving and I realized how little I actually needed a squad!

Now I’m off my anti-anxiety drugs. That is the kind of thing this smoothie can do for you!

I’ve even served this smoothie to my nephews. They are the PICKIEST eaters in the world! Seriously. My sister was having all sorts of problems with them and I offered to help the only way I know how – by serving this cure-all. Since they’ve adopted this as part of their mornings, they are getting A’s at school and they’ve dumped their ADHD meds down the drain.

You might be wondering how this is possible. It’s because, thanks to this drink from the gods, they have learned that the secret to being happy is inside of you and that it’s all about not caring.

Let me tell you about the worst day of my life! There was a new poke restaurant that had one of the most Instagram-worthy bathrooms you have ever seen. So my work BFF and I just had to go. The poke was disappointing – like no vegan spicy mayo disappointing – and we had to wait in a line because people were actually using the washroom.

When we got back, my boss got upset because I went for “another” two-hour lunch. Tell me who can go to a sit-down restaurant for lunch in under two hours and I’ll show you a LIAR.

I couldn’t take it so I just left and went shopping. Then I saw a to-die-for blazer but they were out of size zero. In fact, everything I saw that day was sold out in my size. It’s like all the skinny bitches went on a shopping spree.

I literally hate them so much.

I went home and decided, even though it wasn’t breakfast, to calm myself down by making this smoothie!!! While sipping on this elixir of life, I realized, I have a trust fund and I don’t need this job.

So I texted my boss that I quit. How’s that for not caring and being happy!

Now, for the good stuff – the recipe! Here it is:

  • 1 C water, filtered (I use bottled Fuji water)
  • 3 ice cubes (I make them with Fuji water but Evian could do)

Blend for one minute in your Vitamix. I’ve never tried it with another blender. I have no idea if another blender would work so I can’t guarantee it will be as delicious without it.


The best part is because it cools down your stomach, your body has to work extra hard to bring your internal temperature up. That means you burn more calories and boost your metabolism every time you drink one.

This also fills you up until your mid-morning snack of four peanut M&Ms, unless you are allergic to peanuts. Yikes! You will never be happy. You can never stop caring because any time you touch something peanuty you die.

Anyway, can’t wait to share my “You won’t believe it’s just air” late-night snack recipe in my next blog post!


As seen on Robot Butt