This year’s Met Gala theme was “Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination,” so what did your outfit do to your chances of one day getting into heaven?
You are a traditionalist who has a strong connection to the Virgin Mary. You appreciate the modesty that a veil can bring to any open-back slit dress. After all, a woman without a veil brings shame upon her head. It’s pretty much the same as having your head shaved. You might think that your modesty will be rewarded with a red carpet outside of St. Peter’s gate when you arrive, but you will never be welcomed into Heaven.
You can’t go wrong imitating the queen, and we don’t mean Bey. The angels had a coronation ceremony for Mary when she got to heaven. Unfortunately, you didn’t wait for the angels to give you your crown. Your chances of going to Heaven cannot be predicted now but they aren’t looking good.
Mother Mary Iconography
Marian art is the fabric of Catholic culture and you have taken that quite literally. Hell is paved with good intentions and that is the road you will be going down.
Yes, you’ve been to an art gallery so you saw angels, saints and Jesus all have sporting a halo. But all of that was done before the Council of Trent in 1563 when the Catholic Church banned decorative qualities in art. Did the pope approve of your exciting halo? Didn’t think so. It is very doubtful you will be going to heaven.
You are someone who protects your heart and the hearts of those around you. Just like Joan of Arc, you are loyal and steadfast in your beliefs. You think America’s war to escape English domination was its best war ever. But we don’t like women who speak up anymore, so there is no space for a #MeToo lady in heaven.
Oversized Nun Dress
You never make it a habit to stand out, preferring to be on the sidelines. You try to withdraw from life and share your values with anyone who will listen. Imitation might be the sincerest form of flattery but it doesn’t get you into heaven.
One, no one but the pope can rock a miter. Two, you are a woman. Three, heaven for heretics… it’s called hell, where you are definitely going.
You were whispering softly about a child in control. Sounds like you’re a helicopter parent whose afraid to be the bad guy. Getting down on your knees won’t help you as no one is going to take you there.
Bow in Hair
Famed ophthalmologist Austin O’Malley summed it up best: “If you keep your eyes so fixed on heaven that you never look at earth, you will stumble into hell.” That is what happens when you go off book. Do any saints have bows? Does the Bible ever mention bows? Didn’t think so. Your place in heaven is very doubtful.
A Rainbow Cape
A magical sight in the heavens – life, healing sunlight, nature, serenity, spirit. Signs point to yes as long as it wasn’t a gay thing… it wasn’t a gay thing, was it? We embrace gays as long as you’re never actively being gay. Are you going to heaven? Please ask again later.
Metallic Bodice Train With Navy Pant
You have a modern-day Mother Mary approach to evening wear. You are committed to helping others and are looking to right wrongs. Classy, sophisticated, smart… but heaven – we don’t want your kind.
There is no imagination with wings, whether they were attached to your dress or embroidered on your suit. Even though you act like a sheep and keep your imagination in check by following traditional thought, there is no chance you will be heaven. It’s not New Zealand – heaven has a limit on the number of sheep.
Your Solid Gold Album Accessory
More fashion, less imagination. You understand that the world already ended and this is just a simulation. Your place in heaven is waiting.
As seen on Robot Butt